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Bombing in Denver
Now, take my wife...
I think many guys are frustrated stand-up comedians. They find their captive audience in their girlfriend, wife, daughter, son, mother, brother, fellow workers, etc. And, occasionally, when no one will listen, the dog. They think they’re hilarious. (I know I do.) And maybe at odd times, they, and I, may even be. Most of us keep our day jobs and our great gift for inspiring levity hidden from the world. Some might add, “Thankfully.”
Recently, I was in Denver visiting my sister and her family. She, her husband and I decided to play pickleball one morning. We needed a fourth and, no one available, we corralled my sister’s sister-in-law’s fourteen-year-old son to play. When he jumped into the back seat, I decided I had the perfect audience for my hilarity. Mainly because he couldn’t escape. He seemed to be a good kid, polite, intelligent and, as they say, “hip.” When I asked him if he liked to read, he declared indeed he did. Fantastic! A literate, discerning kid! Someone who would probably “get” me.
“Well, I have to reveal that my name really isn’t Richard,” I said to him. “It’s Ace. Ace Muldoon. And I’m a champion pickleball player. World famous, in fact. I won the South American cup played in Lima last year. The Copa Pickle.”
“Is that so,” he said.
“Yes. You’ve probably seen me doing those shoe commercials. For Nike. But Nike with two “e’s” at the end.” Pause. “That’s N. I. K. E. E.” Pause. “They sell shoes with no soles.”
“You may have seen me on QVC.”
“I need to be back by twelve,” the boy said to my sister, who was driving.
“Sure” she said. “We’ll be done way before then.”
“Ace Muldoon?” I said, raising my paddle. “They call me Señor Pickle?”
I didn’t even get a smile out of politeness. And all that material was improvised! You know, I thought it up on the spot! Right then and there! Well, clearly, my humor was simply too sophisticated for him. Too evolved. Anyway, he was a kid, and so he probably had a lot on his mind.
Later, I called my daughter in New York, who is herself very funny and a comic writer, and told her about this.
“You need to hire new writers,” she said.
“But I’m the only writer!”